How much would could a woodchuck chuck, if a would chuck could/would chuck wood?
The grand question, everyone asks it, yet no one has an answer that quenches the thirst of the search for
proper woodchuck knowledge.
We, The Woodchuck Coalition, have dedicated ourselves to finding out the true answer behind the age old
question, and looking deeper into woodchuck society as a whole.
One may think the answer is pretty simple, but in reality it goes much, much deeper than one can imagine.
The Beginning:
Woodchucks. Groundhogs. Cool little critters, aren't they? We don't assume much about them, but in reality
their society goes much deeper than one assumes.
See, the reality is, these unassuming critters have a much more complex society, and are much more similar to
us than we think.
Early Life:
Woodchucks and groundhogs are the same animal. They have 2 names because it can specialize in 2 fields,
Woodchucking and Groundhogging.
The standard woodchuck has a life span of 6-7 years, reaching sexual maturity by age 2. We have found that in
the years between birth and maturity, or adultness, woodchucks go through
a similar K-12 schooling system throughout age 1.
At age 2 is when the woodchuck decides to specialize into the field that they prefer, going to a college or
university to earn their degree in the field they chose.
Adult life:
After progressing through the necessary education to become a woodchuck, we have deduced that woodchuck society
tends to have 9-5, 40 hour work weeks with weekends off.
We have also found that woodchucks retire at the end of their lifespan, so they tend to work for 3 years of
their life total. This number decreases when you find that they hibernate
for around 5-6 months, depending on location, every year. Woodchuck society hibernates as a collective, all work
and duties necessary to keep woodchuck society working
coming to a stop around october, and continuing around feburary or march. So in total, they work for 1.5-1.7
years total.
So, how long for a woodchuck to chuck wood?
This calculation was made with an account of a woodchuck counting with its hand around mid day. WCC investigators looked in further and found that the woodchuck was counting the amount of wood it has chucked.
With this information, knowing that woodchuck society runs on 9-5 job cycles, and it being around 12 PM, we can assume it took the woodchuck 3 hours to chuck 5 woods.
Therefore it takes a woodchuck around 36 minutes to chuck 1 wood. That would equate to 11.6 woods being chucked every shift.
So how much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
If a woodchucks 11.6 wood every shift, 5 times a week, would equate to 58 woods chucks a week. Thats 232 woods chucked a month. So, for 18 months, or 1.5 years, thats a grand total of 4176 woods chucked.
The answer to the age old question, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood... is 4176.
Thanks for Reading!
